Reading your review of Breaking Dawn. Though I love the books and can read them over and over and still love them despite all the too-perfect convenience, Bella's annoying, whiney behavior, and the stupid plot holes, I find your posts hilarious. Please keep doing what you're doing :)
I’m loving it that Twilight fans read my reviews and laugh.
In chapter thirty-one, Eleazar, one of the Denali Coven’s vampires, mentions that Bella is a shield.
(Did I mention before that his power is to sense other vampires’ powers? HOW CONVENIENT.)
The group also wonders why so many Volturi (all of them) are coming to the fight when only a few would suffice. Eleazar believes Aro wants to “reap” the gifts of some of the Cullens, and add them to his allegiances, like Alice, Edward, and Bella.
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In chapter thirty of Breaking Dawn Bella asks Edward to teach her how to fight as a newborn and is convinced she will be useful to the Cullen clan since vampire “mental” powers/special abilities don’t work on her.
Basically for the majority of the chapter Edward beats us over the head with the fact that all the Cullens are going to die and there is no hope for any of them.
The Denali Coven comes by and freaks out with the introduction of Renesemee, but it’s all resolved because Renesemee shows them everything with her awesome mind powers and wee
Do you see what I’m saying about her being too convenient? Too perfect?
I know that the rest of this book is supposed to preach the importance of family, but I’m not getting that vibe. There isn’t enough of… anything for me to care about Bella or Renesemee.
Edward, Carlisle, and Bella go to the Quileute lines and speak with Sam, who so conveniently was friendly with Alice and did her bidding without any information. (The text was very vague, forgive me.) Even with the new treaty, I don’t understand this plot development. I thought the vampires and werewolves were still enemies.
The Cullens think that Alice has abandoned them.
Edward still will not leave Bella alone, even though she has impenetrable skin and is stronger than him.
Alice also leaves a mysterious not in one of Bella’s books. I don’t know why. She could have just written it on a post-it or something. Was this another way for Meyer to mention Bella reads high-level literature?
Anyways, Alice left the name of a J. Jenks and Bella googles him, seeing there is a lawyer of that name, but with an incorrect address.
In chapter twenty-eight Alice gets a vision of the future concerning the Volturi. They are coming for the Cullens, because Irina went and tattled about Renesemee being a vampire child, which is one of the taboos of the immortal world.
We shall get to my feelings of Renesemee in a moment…
I’d first like to say that I’m having flashbacks of Anne Rice’s Vampire Chronicles, and the vampire-child Claudia. (If you haven’t read those books, do it now. They will redeem your feelings on fictional vampires.) Those of you who have read them should see the connection I’m making.
Now for my feelings on Renesemee.
I don’t understand why all the characters love Renesemee. She’s like Bella all over again, but prettier and MORE people love her. Honestly, I hate her. She’s annoying in this book. Annoying and too perfect.
In the opening of this chapter, Bella begins an analogy of her life changing and compares it with the color her “thread” would be on the Fates’ loom. This long analogy must have been written to distract us from the quickly scrawled passage of 3 MONTHS, when the rest of the book was a day by day play of events.
Renesemee is still growing at a very fast rate, and I haven’t figured out why. Edward doesn’t age and Bella DID age, at a normal rate, so WHY would Renesemee do it at an accelerated rate?
And apparently logic, too.
But, oh wait, I forgot. Twilight Logic.
Aro sends a wedding gift (LATE) (it was a piece of the crown jewels… wat) and a note, hinting that the time for the Volturi to meet Bella is NOW. Bella does not want them to see Renesemee because they will most likely take her away (as she is an “interesting” specimen and they’ll want to take her) so Bella wants to go alone.
Except, of course, Edward will have none of that, so Carlisle will be going with her.
Bella, Jacob and Renesemee go hunting together and Irina sees them in the forest. She darts off and Bella fears she may seek revenge on the wolves for killing Laurent, her mate.
In chapter twenty-six, Charlie further disappoints me by saying he doesn’t want to know anymore than necessary about Bella’s new appearance. I still don’t see how this passed by an editor or publisher, honestly. You would think someone would point out Charlie’s complete apathy. It’s illogical and WAY TOO CONVENIENT.
Charlie leaves for Sue Clearwater’s and Bella mentions that Renesemee’s middle name is Carlie.
Like Charlie and Carlisle put together.
Then Meyer writes her own confirmation to what is supremely wrong with this book (all these books, really).
"It seemed too good to be true. Could I really have both my new family and some of my old as well? As I’d thought that yesterday had been perfect."
See the last word in that quote? That’s what’s wrong with these books. They’re BORING because everything is PERFECT.
Bella then challenges Emmett to a hand-wrestling match, and beats him without even trying. Drunk on her strength and giddy, she runs around the forest, smashing boulders in her path.
In chapter twenty-five, Jacob storms off mysteriously while watching Renesemee. Apparently he thought it was a good idea to go see Charlie, and now Charlie is coming to the Cullens’ house, knowing that they’ve lied to him about Bella being in Atlanta.
Jacob phased in front of Charlie (what a brilliant idea!), so Charlie knows about werewolves, and Jacob hinted that Bella was different now, too.
Charlie also says that he wants to know “as little as possible about all of this.”
Meyer! THIS. IS. HIS. CHILD.
I CAN NO LONGER SIT ASIDE AS MEYER DESTROYS ALL APPROPRIATE MANNERISMS FOR A FATHER. I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE.
IF THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE CHARLIE’S CHARACTER, HE’S THE WORST FATHER EVER.
Chapter twenty-four was all over the realm that I did not wish to go into.
For Bella’s birthday, the Cullens give her and Edward a fully furnished cottage.
…Can I be a part of this family? Seriously, I don’t even care… I’ll be the dog. I just want to get a house for my birthday.
Anyways, Bella and Edward go into the magical beautiful cottage and do… stuff.
Here, have a Loki gif:
So they do it all night long because vampires don’t need sleep and will never feel the physical need to stop from exhaustion or anything like that.
Edward even says that Rosalie and Emmett did it for ten years.
I’m not asexual or anything like that, but ten years of sex? That’s a bit excessive, Meyer.
However, Edward points out that he is the most intelligent and well-read of the family because he hasn’t had anyone to… sleep with. This is fine and I will not whine about it because it does makes sense. If I didn’t sleep, I’d read ALL the time.
In chapter twenty-three Bella breaks Seth’s arm in her rage against Jacob, so the Cullens (and Jacob) take Renesemee back away from her.
Also, while Bella was transforming into a vampire, all the problems with the werewolves were magically resolved because Jacob imprinted on Renesemee and the werewolves will not kill the object of another’s imprinting.
You have GOT to be joking, Meyer.
You can’t write chapters of tension and suspense, and then end it with a “reflection” that perfectly resolves all the problems.
YOU CAN’T DO THAT.
Bella also worries about Charlie, and how the Cullens are going to tell him about her “death.”
GEE, I WONDER WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN NEXT.
Jasper also becomes very upset and storms off because he was convinced Bella would be unable to control herself for a while, and he would not be “the only one” in the family with bloodlust problems. Carlisle proposes that this super-self control might be Bella’s “gift.”
At least it’s not an annoying super power, like having ALL of the super powers. That would have made it terrible.
It’s still a bit too convenient, but I’ll allow it.
I’ve noticed that Renesemee basically has all the awesomeness of a vampire with the few human benefits. She also matures faster than a normal child. Does Meyer just not want to write about crying and diapers? I don’t get it. You can’t write about parenthood without the crappy parts of it too. Don’t glorify teenage pregnancy, Meyer.
Jacob is surprised that Bella is still very much herself and is very protective of Renesemee, worried that Bella may attack her.
Meyer writes Bella and Renesemee’s reunion much better than their separation. I’m not a mother, but it was emotional enough to appease me.
Renesemee’s power (because you know she has one) is sort of the opposite of Edward’s; she shows others her thoughts rather than reading theirs. It’s a bit convenient for my taste, with her being a baby and whatnot.
Bella then proceeds to attack Jacob for imprinting on her baby.
In chapter twenty-one Meyer does not write the love Bella feels for Renesemee very well. I feel as if Renesemee is an afterthought in Bella’s life, next to her new vampire senses.
There is pages and pages of endless, florid description, which is actually welcome, rather than the usual dull banter of this book.
"…the whisper of birds preening their feathers in the treetops, their fluttering heartbeats, the maple leaves scraping together, the faint clicking of ants following each other in a long line up the bark of the nearest tree."
When Meyer wants to, and puts in some effort, she can write description, especially involving nature.
Bella lets go of herself in the forest and almost attacks Edward when she suddenly stops and regains her control.
I thought newborns were supposed to be crazy, or something…
Also, Bella wonders if she will have a special power.
I think I now understand the draw these books have on young girls. It’s not the romance, the depth of the characters, or the “hooks” Meyer attempts to write to draw attention.
Young girls are (excuse me for using Meyer’s word) dazzled by the “beauty” of the vampires. They read these books because they want to imagine having a boyfriend as beautiful and “perfect” as Edward Cullen.
But it’s never going to happen. Perfection doesn’t exist. No one is ever going to find a man (or woman, if you prefer) even remotely similar to Meyer’s vampires.
If you can accept this, then we have no problems. I don’t care if you like this series, as long as you realize that it’s far from realistic (ignoring the fact it’s written about vampires).
Bella spends several pages marveling at the beauty of the world with her vampire eyes (Anne Rice quote there, I cannot claim that) and is actually stronger than Edward for the first time, since she is a “newborn.”
At least there’s some kind of female empowerment here. Bella finally having some strength in this relationship (even if it’s late). I’ll have to praise the Lord for that one.
Jasper notices that Bella has unusual control over her emotions and thirst, more than a normal newborn should have, and wonders how she is doing it.
FMA Challenge: Day 29- What did you think of the series’ end?
I liked this ending, actually. The reason is because when books have really complete, finite endings, I just can’t stand it. I like to come up with my own endings for at least some of the characters. It just makes me feel sad and empty when my favorite books/movies/anime end.
The above being said, I liked the Brotherhood ending as much as I possibly could with such an ending.
Sorry for my brief absence with the reviews, I’ve been painting the house and I’m just so tired by the time we finish, I just shower and go to bed!
Chapter nineteen is partially a rewrite of the birth scene in Bella’s point of view. There are numerous references to burning and fire in the chapter, used as a metaphor for the pain and then Bella’s changing.
I have heard that childbirth is one of the worst pains you can ever feel. But I don’t really want to know what it feels like for your child to be ripping your skin trying to get out.
Bella blacks out (I assume, these passages were difficult to understand due to unclarity) and feels a burning through her limbs (the venom, I also assume).
After a while, (we do not know how long) Bella regains some level of consciousness, and can hear Edward, Alice, and Carlisle, but she cannot move. Edward fears that he may have been too late, even though they can hear her heartbeat.
Seriously, Edward. Don’t be an idiot.
Bella also starts counting her breaths to keep track of time. (What?) And Edward and Carlisle start speaking cryptically around her about something to do with Renesemee.
Come on, Meyer. You could have done better than that. You could have come up with a better device than that.
The venom finally takes over Bella’s heart, and she wakes up changed.