For those of you who enjoy my Twilight book reviews:
We need to thank a major person behind this endeavor: my friend Tessa.
Tessa has been lending these books to me so I don’t have to buy them, and has been awesome and so patient with me.
I love you girl.
You can find her blog here: http://tessalovespandas.tumblr.com/
Followers, a question for you:
Should I continue reviewing the rest of the Twilight Series, or stop now with the first book?
Twilight Book Review: The Aftermath
I have one thing to say that pretty much sums up my feelings of this book.
Twilight Book Review: Epilogue
BELLA IS SO STUPID SHE DOESN’T REALIZE EDWARD IS TAKING HER TO PROM WHEN HE BUYS HER A CORSAGE AND A FANCY DRESS AND SHOES AND ALICE DOES HER HAIR AND MAKEUP ALL DAY AND THERE WERE POSTERS ALL AROUND THE SCHOOL AND EVERYONE WAS TALKING ABOUT IT.
Bella, you really, honestly, cannot be that stupid. No, excuse me, MEYER, you cannot think that it is even REMOTELY conceivable that a female in high school would be completely oblivious to these sort of interactions on PROM NIGHT.
More boys are falling over Bella, as it seems Meyer cannot open NOR close a book without reminding us that her main character is amazingly attractive, despite how many times she insists she’s “plain.”
There’s another annoying cyclical conversation over Bella’s humanity, since she wants to become like Edward, and the book closes.
Twilight Book Review: Chapter Twenty-Four
In chapter twenty-four, Bella wakes up in the hospital, alive and is already complaining about it. Her mother comes to see her, and Edward has stayed by her side the entire time. The Cullens have made up a phony story about Bella falling down the stairs to explain the entire accident.
There is more gooey love-y couple crap, and cyclical conversations of Bella and Edward’s love.
Then, Edward reveals that he won’t turn Bella into a vampire even though there’s amazing perks and no downsides. Seriously? You get to be sexy and live forever with lots of money and no attention from the police! What is this? Twilight Logic.
I try not to re-use gifs, but this one is too hilarious. I had to put it again.
Twilight Book Review: Chapter Twenty-Three
Damnit! JAMES WAS TOO SLOW WITH HIS GLOATING AND DIDN’T KILL HER.
Edward sucked out the venom, so Bella doesn’t even get to become an awesome, sexy, sparkly, but-still-probably-a-bitch vampire.
It’s okay Meyer! Bella could have died and trust me, SO MANY PEOPLE WOULD HAVE LOVED YOUR BOOK.
This chapter was the best, though. Know why? It was four pages. Haha.
Twilight Book Review: Chapter Twenty-Two
In chapter twenty-two, Bella magically gets away from the vampires, and makes her way to James to save her mother. As if she can do anything against an awesome, buff, handsome, sparkly, *dazzling* vampire.
The thing that makes no sense with her plan (apart from its utter stupidity) is that Edward will easily find her, especially since it was so easy to stalk-I mean follow- Bella to Port Angeles.
When Bella finally gets to James, she realizes that she has been tricked with a RECORDING of her mother.
She gets thrown around, and basically blacks out.
Come on, James, we’re rooting for you!
This gif is pretty much unrelated, but I wanted to put it in.
Twilight Book Review: Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter twenty-one, what should I say about you?
Bella is relieved to hear that Edward is coming to get her, since she can’t do anything herself. She feels that all her problems are going to be solved by her boyfriend’s face. Of course, that makes COMPLETE sense, Bella.
James calls the room (how did he get the number if he can’t read their minds? And if he tracked them, wouldn’t he just go kill Bella?) and says that he has Bella’s mother hostage. Bella is appropriately upset by this, but does something so completely stupid.
SHE DECIDES TO DO WHAT HE SAYS AND LEAVE PROTECTION, EVEN THOUGH SHE’S A HUMAN AND HE WILL DEFINITELY KILL BOTH HER AND HER MOTHER.
THEN SHE DOESN’T TELL ANYONE ABOUT THE HOSTAGE SITUATION, EVEN THOUGH JAMES HAD NO WAY OF KNOWING IF SHE TOLD.
Someone, please enlighten me. Why is Bella so stupid?
Twilight Book Review: Chapter Twenty
In chapter twenty, Bella sits in a hotel room with Alice and Jasper.
She doesn’t do anything.
I apologize so much for this update, but this chapter was so terrible that I feel it isn’t even worth my time for a review.
As a hilarious blogger, “Mark,” said about this chapter, it is the equivalent of this:
Here is his blog, if you’d like to read that too.
One of my favorite quotes of his: “TREES WERE KILLED FOR THIS.”
As I’ve said before, reading this book is so painful.
I need one of these.
Twilight Book Review: Chapter Nineteen
In chapter nineteen, Bella and the Cullens split up to head off the tracker vampire, James.
The beginning of this chapter wasn’t bad at all. The section where Bella was leaving Charlie was relatively well-written, with nice spacing, and emotions that actually made sense.
BUT THEN BELLA IS STUPID AND CAN’T DO ANYTHING BY HERSELF.
Edward: Bella, we need to split up to head off James.
Bella: Oh Edward, it’s so scary. I’m so afraid that someone will die. No one is supposed to die in real life. It just never happens. Only the bad guys die.
Edward: It will be okay, Bella. Just don’t be an idiot and trip over the oxygen in the air.
Bella: It won’t be alright when I’m not with you*. I’ll probably choke on my spit thinking of your hot body.